"And did you get what
you wanted from this life, even so?
And what did you want?
To call myself beloved, to feel myself
beloved on the earth. "
- Raymond Carver
I didn't make any New Year's resolutions this year, but I think if I were going to have a resolution, it would be akin to Raymond Carver's uplifting poem on the importance of loving yourself.
Somewhere between the delivery room and his first birthday, I'd forgotten the things that I love about myself. It was frighteningly easy, the forgetting, because as so many of you know -- being a wife and a mother is a constant exercise in forgetting about yourself.
On the one hand, so much of the sacrifice is easy. I would happily endure a million more bouts on the changing table if it means hearing that silly laugh and seeing his sweet smile.
But there are darker moments: the sometimes debilitating inadequacy I feel as an inexperienced mother, the bedraggled emotions after a day of wrangling an unhappy baby, the I'm-still-wearing-pajamas-at-three-o'clock-in-the-afternoon-and-when-was-the-last-time-I-took-a-shower? days.
The darker moments always seem more visible. Which is why "to call myself beloved," to remind myself that I am still whole even though I have given away so many pieces, seems timely this Valentine's Day.
I'm proud of this little blog, and I am always blown away by your thoughtful and encouraging comments. They lift my heart and make me a better writer. So as a thank you, I went to Anthropologie today and picked up a few small but lovely things to send to one of you:
- Petite cabbage rose + citrus shea butter handcreme by Lollia (The scent is so light, you'll think you're wearing a flower.)
- Sweet ginger peach teabag by Revolution Tea (Revolution makes some of my favorite teas. This combo is so refreshing.)
- "a day for me" Kraft notepad by O-Check Design (Be still, my heart. I was so happy to find this - I've been eyeing it online for ages. Which means I couldn't resist getting one for myself, too!)
To be entered to win, tell me: What is one thing you love about yourself?
Comments close on Sunday, February 14th at 9:00 p.m. PST. I'll randomly choose and announce the winner on Monday. Be sure to leave a link to your blog or an email address so that I can contact you if you win. (P.S. I have a small readership, so your odds of winning are pretty good!)