all things new

I was perched on the edge of the bathtub in our tiny bathroom, but let me tell you where I really was. I was sitting on the edge of the world.

My legs twitched nervously as they dangled over the black unknown. My stomach flip-flopped as I surveyed the dizzying heights and vast expanse.

In my hands, a plastic, one-line-or-two, modern day messenger from God.


In the slow-motion moments before the answer was revealed to me, the questions and thoughts running through my head ranged from the rational {whatever happens, we are ready} to the joyful {a baby! a real baby of our very own!} to the fearful {what WERE we THINKING} and to the dramatic {my life is over}.

In the anxious moments between the before and the after, I contemplated the gravity, the hugeness, the sheer ENORMITY of the possibilities within my grasp.

In the hazy moments on the edge of the world, I wondered: will I tumble into the unknown or will I be pulled back to the comfortable, safe confines of my old life?


In retrospect, I am surprised to discover that what stands out most in my mind now is NOT how I felt when I realized I was pregnant, but how I felt in those preceding moments described above.

I think of them now as transitional, transformational moments.

Like the slow unfolding of a college acceptance letter or the tentative first steps down the aisle to meet your beloved, these moments align our past with our future. They are the small, sometimes unnoticeable seams that bind the pieces of our lives.

They bridge the gap between who we are, and who we are becoming.


A few months after we discovered my pregnancy, my husband presented me with a lovely necklace to commemorate this time in our lives. It is a small circle, with one half solid white gold and the other half encrusted with diamonds. When he gave it to me, he said that one half represented our life together before the baby, and the other half represented our new life together after.

Who I am, who I am becoming.

My body is rapidly changing to accommodate the growing life within. I am enduring aches and pains that never existed before. Skin breakouts the likes of which have not been seen since I was a teenager! Sleep deprivation, midnight hunger pains, hair loss... all for the sake of this new life.

Who I am, who I am becoming.

My soul is maturing in response to the emotional and mental challenges that come along with my new status as mother-to-be. I am learning patience, selflessness, and surrender.

Who I am, who I am becoming.


I collapsed to the floor in a puddle of tears, my hand clutching the positive pregnancy test while my body trembled with the electrifying knowledge that I was no longer the person I was just seconds ago. It was not a time for pretense or controlled emotion; no, I felt as though my skin had been unzipped and my nerves left raw, exposed, and vulnerable.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "...every end is a beginning, and under every deep a lower deep opens."

Aware that an end had been achieved, I sensed immediately that I had arrived somewhere significant. That here, again, was a place to start from.

We fall from one edge of the world only to find ourselves walking toward a new precipice. Diving from deep to deeper. Climbing slowly out of ourselves and into the person we seek to become.

The transformation is life.


  1. You'll not regret taking the plunge.

    AND I'm glad you're blogging again. :-)

  2. Amelia, if my kid is half as cute as your Bella, I'm sure I won't regret it!

    I'm glad I'm blogging again, too. :) I love having an outlet to write/think/share.

  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

  4. I am reading your blog from the beginning because you a great writer. And I have to tell you, a lot of blogs just post things from everyone else. It is so exciting to read something that is fresh and real and brand new.
    I am pregnant too and this post had me crying. This is my 4th, and the first time we've been surprised--but it was no less exciting and life changing and in some ways even more miraculous than the others. New life is such a gift.
    I hope you know that your words here are making me smile.

  5. seriously, love your inspire me!