I let the day go by
I always say goodbye
I watch the stars from my window sill
The whole world is moving and I'm standing still
- the weepies
I've been thinking about this blog a lot lately, wondering if it is time to turn out the lights. I'm here so infrequently that I don't even know if anyone is following along anymore, and even if they are - what's a blog without a community of people listening and talking and sharing? As a blog author, I've failed pretty spectacularly in that department.
The main reason I'm not in this space as often as I would like is simple, but hard to admit: I'm a perfectionist, and more often than not, my unrealistic desire to be the best at everything I do prevents me from doing anything at all.
If I can't blog everyday, then I sit back and think that it's not even worth it to post occasionally.
If I can't plan out dinner meals a week in advance, we end up eating take-out because I already feel like I've failed.
If I can't clean the apartment from top to bottom, then I give up and let things get completely out of control.
It's a certain kind of terrible bondage, this paralyzing feeling of never being able to reach some crazy high standard that I've set. It's a standard that I would never hold to any of my friends, but for some reason think it's okay to impose on myself.
I would love to know if you struggle with this issue, too. I'd also love to know your thoughts on blogs with infrequent posts - do you stick around for the content or do you get tired of waiting and move on?
[Photos by me, taken earlier this year]
I'm an occasional blogger and I think that as long as you (the writer) are still finding some bits of satisfaction from writing, even if only occasionally, then it is worth it.
ReplyDeleteIn the past I have struggled with feelings of inadequacy as a blogger, but the key is to not compare yourself to others. It should be all about you, your schedule, your feelings, and what you are comfortable with.
1. Get the bigger picture
ReplyDelete2. Redefine "failure"
3. Accept failure it is a part of life there is no success without it.
4. It is worth it,remember why.
5. It's the meal that counts not the plan.
6. Sanitation is necessary, neatness is comfortable completion is optional.
7. Bondage is not of God. Focus on Him and keep going. Standards are achieved through process not in giant leaps.
8. Yes I have/do struggled with this. The battle is in the mind. Fear is paralyzing. Take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. Faith, faith, faith.
9. Flowing with the seasons or quitting? Flow of course.
10. I Love you!!
Guess who anonymous is, HA
ReplyDeleteWhile I sometimes give up on blogs that aren't updated often enough, yours is so great that I have stuck around. Great is a terribly non-descriptive word, I realize, but I just truly love your blog. Your posts are insightful and so well-written and creative and different... I'm not sure what the right word is, but they always impact me, and I stick around because when you post, it always makes me feel something or realize something. I don't want you to turn out the lights - I'd rather read a post once in a while than none at all!
ReplyDeleteoh do i ever struggle with that too... i don't try new things if i don't think i'll be perfect at it. i don't clean my house often enough because i never feel like i have time to get it all done as clean as i want. etc. etc. i'm pretty sure it goes hand in hand for some perfectionists. it's a constant battle for sure.
ReplyDeletei love your blog, even if you post infrequently. you are such a beautiful writer. please don't stop! really.
Do I struggle with a certain kind of horrible bondage, always feeling guilty if I don't reach my self-acknowledged too high goals. Yes. As an only child to two firstborns, yes I most certainly do. : ) By God's grace and work, though, I am slowly growing. There's always hope. He can work on/in you too. : )
ReplyDeleteShould you stop blogging? Well, that is a question only you can answer, but if you'd stop writing simply because you don't feel like your work is perfect or only because you feel like you're not here frequently enough, I'd say no. You have (I think) and extraordinarily beautiful way of shaping words. It's a true gift. I'm always delighted when one of your posts pops up in my feed! I would miss your blog presence if you were to leave.
i know how you feel....i'm a perfectionist too and feel like it holds me back sometimes.
ReplyDeletei do love your blog, though. so what if you don't update a lot? you're in my google reader, so i occasionally stumble on you and click to see whats up! :)
if you still enjoy it, DO it. if you don't, LEAVE it!
i will be a follower no matter how often you post! please keep the lights on!=)
ReplyDeletei don't always comment but you're in my reader and i always read. i like your writings and have been a subscriber for a year or so.
ReplyDeleteas for the crazy high standard you've created for yourself, i'm guilty of it as well. in fact, i had a meltdown on the phone with my mother wednesday night regarding that very topic. she reassured me i wasn't alone and apologized that it was possibly genetic--she experiences the same subscription to such high standards. i haven't quite figured out a way to master it; all i do is remember all i can do is all i can do.
i don't know if that helped you but just know you are not alone.
Write, of course! I am the type to stick around...when the writing is good. I'm also the type to blog sloppily rather than not at all, which I don't mind about myself because I think my purpose in blogging is a bit different than some. Your infrequent posts are always such a breath of fresh air because they are so full of depth and care. Don't leave us. ;-)
ReplyDeleteI stick around for the content. I came across your blog a while back and added you to my google reader, so when you do post, it shows up. Occasional writing is better than none at all. This is a part of your history. Your children will enjoy reading about your life someday. Stick with it, even if it's sporadic.
ReplyDeleteI dip in and out of my blog depending on how busy life gets, I used to chastise myself about it, but now realise the reason I do it is because I love to write. You shouldn't be so very hard on yourself, keep writing!
ReplyDeleteI randomly came across your guest post "How-To Write Courageously," on Marta Writes and I felt compelled to tell you how beautifully your words struck me. Thank you for inspiring me to find my voice in writing. :)
ReplyDeletehi marisa,
ReplyDeleteplease don't stop writing. i've only discovered your blog recently and enjoy coming and visiting..even if i don't leave a comment. so yess..i do hope you'll keep this blog. as long as you still find joy in doing it, that is.
as for being a perfectionist, i used to be like that too..i think a part of me still am. especially the cleaning part. if i can't keep it spotless and everything disinfected, then i'll keep procrastinating until it gets so messy and disorganized i don't even know where to start. sigh.
i almost love that you only post from time to time. its one of the things i love most about this space.
ReplyDeleteyou don't post everday because its expected. you post when inspired. and each post is meaningful.
this is one of my most cherished places in blogland.
This comment is two months late because I have been completely out of the internet loop for six. Blogging is not an obligation; it's yours to do with as you please. I'm almost more of a fan of infrequent bloggers. I tire quickly of most dailies... I have enjoyed every one of your posts and (as someone who's been sporadic on the posting front) have nothing but respect for those who post when they feel like sharing. No one should blog because they feel they have to. Some blog because they "need" to but that certainly isn't the same as "have to". Write when you wish and know that however infrequent, your words have left an indelible mark on me. Much love.
ReplyDelete