you'll never know dear, how much I love you...


hello sunshine,

You stayed overnight at your grandparents house this weekend because your dad and I had to go photograph an out-of-town wedding. It was your first time away from us since your early stay in the hospital NICU and, if you must know, well... yes, I did get a little choked up while packing your things and sending you on your way. I might have made numerous, sighing references about "my big boy" and his "manly ways." Possibly I whispered for you not to forget me.

There may or may not have been tears. Maybe. I don't know. Who can really remember such things, anyway?

(By the by, if in your youth you are ever embarrassed by your blubbering, sentimental fool of a mother, kindly note that I was NEVER LIKE THIS until I met you, okay??)

When we returned to pick you up the next day, I fast-walked to the door with plans to pounce on you and smother you in a million kisses. But you were napping, as luck would have it. So I squashed my motherly affections and instead contented myself to watch you sleep. And as I watched you, completely and truly astounded by how much you'd GROWN and CHANGED in the mere 24 hours that I was gone, the thought bashed me over the head repeatedly occurred to me that I really need to get my act in gear and start consistently documenting our sweet days together NOW, because soon I'm going to be waving and sniffling my way out of your college dorm room or wedding reception or whatever.

So, here I am. And tonight, I just want to document one thing, one thing that I want you to know and remember.

My mom used to sing the song "You are My Sunshine" to me when I was little. Even now, all these years later, I love the melody and it makes me think of her fondly.

Every night I sing it to you before I put you down to sleep. You stare at me, watching my face intently. I stare at you, marveling at your perfectly turned nose and dimpled hands. Sometimes you reach up to grab my hair or play with my moving lips. It's adorably distracting, but I keep singing.

Those sweet moments with you bring me deep joy. You ARE the sunshine in my days and even though you can't understand it now, I hope in the days to come you'll never forget it.

[Photo by me, taken June 2009]


  1. You couldn't have said that better. I'm sure when he gets married and has his own sweet babies that will be the first song he sings to his little ones. And his heart will be full of love for his own mother as well.

    Great hearing from you. Love your photos!

  2. Your writing style is refreshing, as are your photographs. Thank you for the glimpse into your life. Reading your writings of your son make me wish for those days again with my now six year old. Time flies so fast...

    Thanks for stopping by. It's nice to know that someone "gets it." ;)

  3. Oh my heavens, you commented on my personal blog so that's how I found ya. I would actually LOVE to highlight your inspiring blog on my new site open for reading Email me K :)

  4. I jumped over here after you left a comment on my Blog. Great minds think alike, I suppose. I contacted the artist and that lovely tree bed costs over $10,000. Hmmmm...too much for this head to sleep on but I still yearn for it.

    I love this sweet Blog of yours! You have such a wonderful relationship with your baby.

    May I add you to my link list?

  5. congrats on surviving the first time away. isn't it crazy how motherhood changes you? and, for me at least, the changing never stops. slows down a little maybe but doesn't stop. you're smart to document these things. simple little notes like that really work to take you back to the moment, i've found.

  6. thanks for all the wonderful comments!

    Julie -- I love the image of my son singing the song to his own children.

    Steph -- I certainly appreciate the compliments, and glad you stopped by and said hello!

    Brandy -- Email sent, I LOVE your concept.

    Leigh -- 10K?? Yikes. Apparently, money DOES grow on (metal) trees. :D And feel free to link to my blog. Happy you said hello!

    Amberlee -- As someone who doesn't handle change all that well, writing + documenting these small moments helps me process everything in a positive way. It also helps keep life in perspective, you know?

  7. You continue to be my "sunshine" she said through
    tear filled eyes.

    "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
    you make me happy when skies are blue
    and NOW you know dear how much I love you..."

    Your the Best, Mom

  8. Girl I love love your blog and your writings are wonderful and inspiring. I would be so happy if I could include you on The LOVELY List this week. I will email you the details. Keep being great!
    xoxo Brandy